Not the one

She left her mark on you.
I wanted to surpass her with my personality,
because its what you abandoned me for,
As angry as I was I forgave you,
I just wanted acceptance,
for you to crave me like you once did,
as I walked towards you time froze,
expression lines ingrained your face,
a few years older and wiser,
you were just as perfect as when we were young,
we both knew this meetup was foolish,
It was false, I was your rebound and you were heartbroken,
I tried so hard to make it right,
yet we were too different, time had changed us,
I wanted to be me but felt the need to be someone else,
I still reflect at a time I had you close,
and lost you that same instant,
we parted ways,
and you met someone else,
There was always someone else
what would have happened if we were a match?
would you have loved me more than her?

regardless, I was not the one.

I was never the one.







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Freelance your way into success with a POSITIVE MIND!

I’m stuck in a job that I’m not particularly fond of. Another short-term position sucking the creative soul out of me. I despise that I am always treated as a “temp”. Even when introduced to others in the office. Yesterday was a day I wanted to quit because I read a complex facial expression on my boss while training me. These people hired me for a reason however, I feel as if they expect perfection. This makes me anxious. My heart desires creativity and less corporate seclusion.

Also, there is more pressure to work hard in this job knowing that it is not a permanent position and just a 15 week project with the “possibility of going permanent”. Coworkers can be harsh but sometimes life is about swallowing your pride and accepting the obstacles. Coworkers are quite clique-ish and that is okay as long as I stay out of it. If I don’t click with anyone, I’m there to learn, provide and receive a paycheck. I am professional, courteous and try to be as focused as I can. Occasionally, I’ll engage in small talk on light subjects to keep it light. I ask when I need to ask and take notes. On the contrary, it is hard to remain positive so I’ve started writing out my goals again as a self-reminder.

Learning a new software or a complete new field can be difficult. Fortunately, its a trait because one is gaining new skill sets. It’s evident that “trash talk” from other employees, will mostly likely occur during or after the training period. People get frustrated and it is human. However, I am learning to let it go, if I hear my name, I won’t assume it was about me and if it was… it is irrelevant. I am not there to make friends but to learn, focus and leave my work problems there. I hate talking about work outside of work , therefore I’m learning to delete the topic after hours. It helps me stay stress free when I do.

I’m truly frustrated with this state of limbo. After I got laid off last year, I’ve only been freelancing despite applying to permanent roles. Sometimes one has to choose what they can get in order to survive and build experience. Today is a clear example of why I’m doing this. I can still create art, play my electric guitar and write on the side. And attend live music shows because music is life at least for me. These hobbies keep me grounded and remind me not to quit because what is life?… when you don’t have enough funds for shows, rent and travel. Gotta keep hustling away.

If anyone feels stagnant in their just remember don’t leave until you save enough funds or find something better. You won’t regret it when you do. The main key is to continue to create if you’re a creative person like me but stuck in a corporate jail. Remember that everything is temporary.

Have a “teflon mind” where you can you can adapt to situations but not get attached. My issue for example is controlling anxiety, if I get constructive criticism in the workplace inside I’m suffering because I think I’m going to get fired. Basically I can set myself up for self-sabotage which is not healthy. I’ve been at this new freelance position for almost a month and everyday I’m learning. However, this is not going to stop me from pursuing my master’s degree.

My goal is to seek higher education and switch my career. Stating this out loud makes me feel great! It keeps me grounded when I feel like I’m drowning at work. If you feel this way, I’m glad you’re reading! because you’re not alone and just remember to stay positive and write out your goals everyday. Stay strong.