Distant

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As I’ve delved into the month of Spring,
You’ve become a faint dream,
I feel as though you were imagined,
nothing but a distant memory,

Sometimes I think I miss you,
however, it was merely the idea of you,

I felt so much in the past,
That I’ve accepted you’re loss,
You no longer cause me pain,
I’ve let you go,

I’ve become an introvert,
solely focused on my goals,
fixing my myself,
a work in progress…

yet here I am,
safe…
alone….

no one will hurt me,
you won’t hurt me.

BACK TO THE GRIND AND HUSTLE WITH POSITIVE VIBES!

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Hello world! quick update I just landed a job in retail. Not the best job in the world but I figured if I’m smart I will administer my money the proper way. My major goal is to save as much as I can. Knock more debt out of my life. And when I have done so, I will focus on my graduate school plans, getting an apartment and car. I’ve read so many articles online on people with minimum paying jobs that were able to pay off thousands of dollars. As dull of a frugal life may be, it may not be as bad as I think. There are tons of free events around the city. It’s nice to be able to think that I am getting closer to my goal. I just need to stay consistent. I can honestly say I haven’t spent a dime this week aside from my metro card for transportation to my doctor. But I’m happy because I am learning to control myself. I am learning the value of what it finally means to ADULT. I am trying to remain appreciative and not put too many expectations on others. It’s when the expectations are not met where I feel disappointment. I think being unemployed truly sucks!

The first week was relaxing but then I became anxious because I grew bored from all of my home activities. I also felt pressured from all the bills I was slammed with. But I’ve hit a pivot point and realized that it’s best to work with what I have. Besides, most successful people had to do engage in grunt odd jobs before landing their preferred job. I hate customer service, however at the moment the lack of jobs has forced me to find a solution. I can’t just wait until the perfect job falls out of the sky. As the saying goes: “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. Meaning sometimes it will take a while till one gets to their greatest reward. I’m not particularly thrilled about this new gig but Retail is about faking it till you make it. Smile, sell and provide great customer service for that commission.

I can think of a trillion reasons to complain but what is the point, it will not solve my current issues. Reading and writing has calmed me down the past couple of days. Exposing myself to new information and documentaries has helped me to not be so self-absorbed. I’ve also steered away from people who are detrimental to my mental health. False friends that only want to drink and act like complete idiots. False friends that will use you only when they are having a crisis but can’t return the favor. False friends that are not there…period. Staying busy is the most magnificent thing a person can do. I love learning because my brain goes 50 mph and I can’t stay still. It’s when I am learning that I can beat depression and anxiety. The thoughts go away and my brain is focused on processing new information. Lately, I’ve been able to focus on things that stimulate me in a positive way. What are you doing to stay centered? Please share your thoughts below. Have a fab fri-yay!

NEXT STOP: A CAREER CHANGE

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One of the hardest things to do when you are unemployed is to SAVE. Currently, I’m in that state where I am engaging with anything or anyone that is FREE. As you already know, I am an avid concert goer and yet I’ve laid low with concert purchases. I’m also in the midst of saving for Graduate school, as I don’t know what funding will be like going forward. I’ve stopped shopping to become frugal because I’ve decided to make the most of every piece of item I own. No more fancy splurges on nails, nor boozy brunches or fancy cocktails. It’s hard but there are tons of things to do at an affordable price. Cooking meals at home will save you so much money and it will benefit you when you recycle left overs.

This is the best time for me to take advantage of being this free and apply to free scholarships. Chegg.com has tons of them. It’s certainly not easy, I’m still in transition of switching my career. Today, I was told I did not sufficient experience in an area of my field. My question to these picky industry folks is, ” How is one supposed to even gain experience if they are not given a chance?” I am frustrated.

However, a part of me is also motivated and I’m sure most of you (unemployed-soon-to pursue-graduate-school-folks ) can relate. I’ve sworn so much today well in my head. I’m just open to positive vibes going forward. And if I have to slave away in retail then screw it, I will do so. Anything, I just don’t want to be unemployed any longer. Spring is here and I’m not going to waste another day in bed. I am gonna get up and apply to more jobs. If you are ready for that career change don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, trust yourself and move forward. You have a vision and even if it requires grunt jobs temporarily you will get there!

Practice Mindfulness While Working On Your Passion

Life is not a race. This is the best thing I can tell someone who feels discouraged about not landing their dream job right away or their niche role. It may happen instantly or it may take years, however in the end, shouldn’t the journey be more exciting than the actual prize? That is how I felt about fashion business college. I loved it! However, there was frustration of not landing a permanent job after graduation.

I was told by various cut-throat freelance recruiters that I lacked sufficient experience which truly took a toll on me. I wish I could have told myself two years ago, not stress so much because nothing is ever permanent. Also, the tears and gray hair are to blame but sometimes has a large portion with how we handle the situation. Do we see the glass half full or empty? Some negative naive aspects of my past, have become life lessons and I can only move forward. Lamenting oneself will not help with progress but moving forward and living in the present will.

Mindfulness is a practice that we all need. Currently, I am riding the wave of uncertainty and working with my present situation. I’m not in the job I love but I am able to save my money and still work on my passion. This helps me stay positive and mindful. I’ve also decided to surround myself friends that genuinely care for me and that will stimulate me in a positive manner. This will influence decisions in life. Mindfulness can be practiced through meditation. Closing your eyes and breathing in and out helps center one’s thoughts. Eating a healthy meal and getting enough rest will also help with anxiety. Work on your hobbies, craft and experience. because you love it and you know that it’s your passion. Such relevant hobbies will keep you centered and grounded in terms of optimism.

Life doesn’t have to be all work. Work for a living yet follow your side passions. Who knows? Maybe this will open doors to a career which will feel more like a hobby and less like work. And when that day comes, you will never have to work a single day in your life. This expression will resonate well for those dreamers who want to make a career out of their passion and yes it is possible!

If you feel discouraged or not content with your current position. I’m here to remind you that it’s not ” a forever thing” as some idiot ex told me about dating. It’s best you write down what you feel regarding the job: it’s pros and it’s cons. Write down what you actually appreciate about it even if you despise it. I’m sure there are skillsets that have been learned. Everything you experience in life becomes a lesson. Experience the journey but do not get caught up on it. Stay positive by appreciating the growth during the process.

Not the one

She left her mark on you.
I wanted to surpass her with my personality,
because its what you abandoned me for,
As angry as I was I forgave you,
I just wanted acceptance,
for you to crave me like you once did,
as I walked towards you time froze,
expression lines ingrained your face,
a few years older and wiser,
you were just as perfect as when we were young,
we both knew this meetup was foolish,
It was false, I was your rebound and you were heartbroken,
I tried so hard to make it right,
yet we were too different, time had changed us,
I wanted to be me but felt the need to be someone else,
I still reflect at a time I had you close,
and lost you that same instant,
we parted ways,
and you met someone else,
There was always someone else
what would have happened if we were a match?
would you have loved me more than her?

regardless, I was not the one.

I was never the one.







Freelance your way into success with a POSITIVE MIND!

I’m stuck in a job that I’m not particularly fond of. Another short-term position sucking the creative soul out of me. I despise that I am always treated as a “temp”. Even when introduced to others in the office. Yesterday was a day I wanted to quit because I read a complex facial expression on my boss while training me. These people hired me for a reason however, I feel as if they expect perfection. This makes me anxious. My heart desires creativity and less corporate seclusion.

Also, there is more pressure to work hard in this job knowing that it is not a permanent position and just a 15 week project with the “possibility of going permanent”. Coworkers can be harsh but sometimes life is about swallowing your pride and accepting the obstacles. Coworkers are quite clique-ish and that is okay as long as I stay out of it. If I don’t click with anyone, I’m there to learn, provide and receive a paycheck. I am professional, courteous and try to be as focused as I can. Occasionally, I’ll engage in small talk on light subjects to keep it light. I ask when I need to ask and take notes. On the contrary, it is hard to remain positive so I’ve started writing out my goals again as a self-reminder.

Learning a new software or a complete new field can be difficult. Fortunately, its a trait because one is gaining new skill sets. It’s evident that “trash talk” from other employees, will mostly likely occur during or after the training period. People get frustrated and it is human. However, I am learning to let it go, if I hear my name, I won’t assume it was about me and if it was… it is irrelevant. I am not there to make friends but to learn, focus and leave my work problems there. I hate talking about work outside of work , therefore I’m learning to delete the topic after hours. It helps me stay stress free when I do.

I’m truly frustrated with this state of limbo. After I got laid off last year, I’ve only been freelancing despite applying to permanent roles. Sometimes one has to choose what they can get in order to survive and build experience. Today is a clear example of why I’m doing this. I can still create art, play my electric guitar and write on the side. And attend live music shows because music is life at least for me. These hobbies keep me grounded and remind me not to quit because what is life?… when you don’t have enough funds for shows, rent and travel. Gotta keep hustling away.

If anyone feels stagnant in their just remember don’t leave until you save enough funds or find something better. You won’t regret it when you do. The main key is to continue to create if you’re a creative person like me but stuck in a corporate jail. Remember that everything is temporary.

Have a “teflon mind” where you can you can adapt to situations but not get attached. My issue for example is controlling anxiety, if I get constructive criticism in the workplace inside I’m suffering because I think I’m going to get fired. Basically I can set myself up for self-sabotage which is not healthy. I’ve been at this new freelance position for almost a month and everyday I’m learning. However, this is not going to stop me from pursuing my master’s degree.

My goal is to seek higher education and switch my career. Stating this out loud makes me feel great! It keeps me grounded when I feel like I’m drowning at work. If you feel this way, I’m glad you’re reading! because you’re not alone and just remember to stay positive and write out your goals everyday. Stay strong.

Strangers

As the season have passed,

I’ve grown out of you,

It was all an illusion,

tears were shed and moments were wasted,

however, I’ve realized I deserved better,

I’ve decided to live my life without waiting for you,

sometimes I wondered if I would ever run into you,

what would I say?

until the day finally came,

through the bustle of the subway stampede,

we passed each other by the station,

and we couldn’t help but look back at one another,

I wanted to say so much but I feared your reaction,

and without a word and a stare,

we continued through our own paths

I knew you no longer cared.