Distant

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As I’ve delved into the month of Spring,
You’ve become a faint dream,
I feel as though you were imagined,
nothing but a distant memory,

Sometimes I think I miss you,
however, it was merely the idea of you,

I felt so much in the past,
That I’ve accepted you’re loss,
You no longer cause me pain,
I’ve let you go,

I’ve become an introvert,
solely focused on my goals,
fixing my myself,
a work in progress…

yet here I am,
safe…
alone….

no one will hurt me,
you won’t hurt me.

Not the one

She left her mark on you.
I wanted to surpass her with my personality,
because its what you abandoned me for,
As angry as I was I forgave you,
I just wanted acceptance,
for you to crave me like you once did,
as I walked towards you time froze,
expression lines ingrained your face,
a few years older and wiser,
you were just as perfect as when we were young,
we both knew this meetup was foolish,
It was false, I was your rebound and you were heartbroken,
I tried so hard to make it right,
yet we were too different, time had changed us,
I wanted to be me but felt the need to be someone else,
I still reflect at a time I had you close,
and lost you that same instant,
we parted ways,
and you met someone else,
There was always someone else
what would have happened if we were a match?
would you have loved me more than her?

regardless, I was not the one.

I was never the one.







Strangers

As the season have passed,

I’ve grown out of you,

It was all an illusion,

tears were shed and moments were wasted,

however, I’ve realized I deserved better,

I’ve decided to live my life without waiting for you,

sometimes I wondered if I would ever run into you,

what would I say?

until the day finally came,

through the bustle of the subway stampede,

we passed each other by the station,

and we couldn’t help but look back at one another,

I wanted to say so much but I feared your reaction,

and without a word and a stare,

we continued through our own paths

I knew you no longer cared.

Introvert

I’ve found comfort in myself,

I no longer care about being comforted by others,

I hold no expectations,

because I’ve lost the fear of monophobia,

I’ve grown quite numb to express sincere empathy,

because of life losses,

I refuse becoming attached,

It’s a distant memory I once felt,

because now in the company of others,

I long to be in deep transit on my own,

Comforted by solitude.

No longer the extrovert I tried to be.

Nor the life of the party.

But an introvert.

DEAR GOD

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Dear God, 
I'm drowning in pessimism,
You've allowed this demon to devour my spirits,
I've reached out to you vast amount of times and have exhausted myself,
You've not answered me and I've lost my faith,
Forgive me, for I have grown impatient,
My despair and sorrows remain ignored,                                                   
Have you left me in solitude to ruminate in my own thoughts?                        Do you hear my scream and cry for help?
Will you answer me in due time?
Forgive me for this glitch inside my brain,
I've struggled to seek answers from others,
They too have failed me, yet here I am praying to you,
Forgive me for all of my sins and actions,
I beg you to provide me answers to my prayers ,
I don't know the meaning of happiness anymore,
I've gone mad sulking in my own thoughts,
The world seems rather dull,
Release me from this state of gloom,
Please answer my prayers,
Illuminate my soul and turn my pain into creativity,
Release me from my pain and help me find the joy in life,
LOVE, HAPPINESS, FAMILY, FRIENDS, CAREER, PASSIONS, SELF-LOVE,
but more importantly HOPE,
Show me a sign that you will help me,
Please God, Heavenly Father,
Show me a sign,
Amen.

UNRECIPROCATED

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I pretended to be content,
I should have known better,
I've been down this route,
Enough to know you're a conniving snake,
Yet I'm a fool or a hopeless romantic,
You know what to say to reel me in,
Then you sting me with your fangs,
Leave me in solitude to deal with my misery,
You get satisfaction every time,
Because everything you do is for your convenience,
I'm just your therapist,
Who physically never sees you,
I long to hold you and feel emotionally close to you,
And the farther you are,
I am reminded that we will never be.
I despise myself for desiring this forbidden fruit,
No matter how much I attempt these hopeless spells,
I've been cursed by a demon,
As all seem to fail me, I've become deranged,
Relied on the occult for false pretense,
I'd hoped it would bring light into my world.
Yet I've lost myself because it was feigned,
YOU'RE GONE.
SO IS EVERYONE ELSE,
NO ONE HEARS MY CRIES OF DESPAIR,
I pray to God to help and forgive me,
AND I DON'T KNOW IF HE EVEN EXISTS,
ARE YOU EVEN HERE? HAVE YOU ABANDONED ME TOO?
I've drowned in a sea of pessimism,
My light is gone,
Everyone is a foe,
I'm nowhere to be found..

I WILL JUST LAY HERE..

AND FORGET THE WORLD.

DISCARDED

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I was let go, discarded like a piece of trash,
It has nothing to do with you they said,
concealed my emotions with a smile and thank you,
Walked away in shame with my head down,
I relied on family for comfort,
what a mistake, I was reminded of my faults,
words stabbed my non-existing ego,
I felt a wave of emptiness,
broken, until I was consoled by a dear friend,
as we parted ways, I felt incapable of self-reliance,
My enemy reached out to me,
deceived as I was, we bonded,
found comfort in our vents with one another,
hot tears burned my cheeks,
strangers stared as I wandered the jungle streets of nyc,
I no longer had the strength to hide,
I acknowledged hitting a low point,
I've been down this path before,
and thought this feeling shall pass,
this feeling will pass..
It has passed..
yet the remnants remain scattered,
like ashes on the ground.