As I’ve delved into the month of Spring,
You’ve become a faint dream,
I feel as though you were imagined,
nothing but a distant memory,
Sometimes I think I miss you,
however, it was merely the idea of you,
I felt so much in the past,
That I’ve accepted you’re loss,
You no longer cause me pain,
I’ve let you go,
I’ve become an introvert,
solely focused on my goals,
fixing my myself,
a work in progress…
yet here I am,
safe…
alone….
no one will hurt me,
you won’t hurt me.
She left her mark on you.
I wanted to surpass her with my personality,
because its what you abandoned me for,
As angry as I was I forgave you,
I just wanted acceptance,
for you to crave me like you once did,
as I walked towards you time froze,
expression lines ingrained your face,
a few years older and wiser,
you were just as perfect as when we were young,
we both knew this meetup was foolish,
It was false, I was your rebound and you were heartbroken,
I tried so hard to make it right,
yet we were too different, time had changed us,
I wanted to be me but felt the need to be someone else,
I still reflect at a time I had you close,
and lost you that same instant,
we parted ways,
and you met someone else,
There was always someone else
what would have happened if we were a match?
would you have loved me more than her?
regardless, I was not the one.
I was never the one.
As the season have passed,
I’ve grown out of you,
It was all an illusion,
tears were shed and moments were wasted,
however, I’ve realized I deserved better,
I’ve decided to live my life without waiting for you,
sometimes I wondered if I would ever run into you,
what would I say?
until the day finally came,
through the bustle of the subway stampede,
we passed each other by the station,
and we couldn’t help but look back at one another,
I wanted to say so much but I feared your reaction,
and without a word and a stare,
we continued through our own paths
I knew you no longer cared.
I’ve found comfort in myself,
I no longer care about being comforted by others,
I hold no expectations,
because I’ve lost the fear of monophobia,
I’ve grown quite numb to express sincere empathy,
because of life losses,
I refuse becoming attached,
It’s a distant memory I once felt,
because now in the company of others,
I long to be in deep transit on my own,
Comforted by solitude.
No longer the extrovert I tried to be.
Nor the life of the party.
But an introvert.
Dear God,
I'm drowning in pessimism,
You've allowed this demon to devour my spirits,
I've reached out to you vast amount of times and have exhausted myself,
You've not answered me and I've lost my faith,
Forgive me, for I have grown impatient,
My despair and sorrows remain ignored,
Have you left me in solitude to ruminate in my own thoughts? Do you hear my scream and cry for help?
Will you answer me in due time?
Forgive me for this glitch inside my brain,
I've struggled to seek answers from others,
They too have failed me, yet here I am praying to you,
Forgive me for all of my sins and actions,
I beg you to provide me answers to my prayers ,
I don't know the meaning of happiness anymore,
I've gone mad sulking in my own thoughts,
The world seems rather dull,
Release me from this state of gloom,
Please answer my prayers,
Illuminate my soul and turn my pain into creativity,
Release me from my pain and help me find the joy in life,
LOVE, HAPPINESS, FAMILY, FRIENDS, CAREER, PASSIONS, SELF-LOVE,
but more importantly HOPE,
Show me a sign that you will help me,
Please God, Heavenly Father,
Show me a sign,
Amen.
NYCFASHIONREBEL 