I'm drowning in pessimism,
You've allowed this demon to devour my spirits,
I've reached out to you vast amount of times and have exhausted myself,
You've not answered me and I've lost my faith,
Forgive me, for I have grown impatient,
My despair and sorrows remain ignored,
Have you left me in solitude to ruminate in my own thoughts? Do you hear my scream and cry for help?
Will you answer me in due time?
Forgive me for this glitch inside my brain,
I've struggled to seek answers from others,
They too have failed me, yet here I am praying to you,
Forgive me for all of my sins and actions,
I beg you to provide me answers to my prayers ,
I don't know the meaning of happiness anymore,
I've gone mad sulking in my own thoughts,
The world seems rather dull,
Release me from this state of gloom,
Please answer my prayers,
Illuminate my soul and turn my pain into creativity,
Release me from my pain and help me find the joy in life,
LOVE, HAPPINESS, FAMILY, FRIENDS, CAREER, PASSIONS, SELF-LOVE,
but more importantly HOPE,
Show me a sign that you will help me,
Please God, Heavenly Father,
Show me a sign,
Today I feel overwhelmed. Yes, I needed to take a personal sick day off from work for myself. It’s the worst feeling to wake up early ready for work and then decided your not going to go because the last minute cramps start to kick in and backache. I’m also very anxious about all of my goals this Fall. I took Midol and no it did not solve my issues. As a female, I think its important to take some time off for yourself when your PMSING. There are a trillion things running through my mind at the moment and all I can do is write.
I am a writer and well it’s been a while since I’ve blogged on a continuous basis. It is hard when you’re involved in a 9am to 6pm job that sucks the life out of you. My job isn’t terrible; in fact, my boss and co-workers are kind and pleasant to work with. However, it’s not my dream role and It pays my bills. Regardless, I am planning to apply to a few graduate schools next month. What lies ahead is a infinite amount of written work. I’ve realized how impatient I am with not getting instant gratification. I have worked hard my whole life and sometimes it feels like a vicious circle. I know I’m not the only one that feels this way, I’m a grown up millennial and yet at times, I just feel like a clueless toddler straddling through life. Is it ok to not be ADULTING as of yet? Or to be unsure of one’s next career path? Yeah, it’s normal. We are only humans. Some people are still finding themselves. As most MILLENNIALS, I have survived tough economic times such as living through the subprime mortgage crisis and working a shit load of odd jobs to make ends meet while attending college and dealing with other obstacles. Settling in a permanent job is a fortunate outcome especially in this age, which is the reason I am so hesitant to leave at the moment. I don’t care how many business articles there are about the market’s vast improvement. I highly disagree; the fashion and business world is a very competitive field. One in which I’ve worked in the majority of my adulthood.
Some Recruiters can be a hit or miss but sometimes we have no choice but to be open-minded and give them a chance. They will help you or turn the other cheek and literally ghost you for a younger shinier gullible desperate candidate. After a few years of working in the fashion industry; I’ve realized how much I would like to change my career. I don’t hate it, I just don’t care as much for it.
So I’m staying with my current job and building my writing portfolio on the side. I am very impulsive by nature, therefore, I’m training myself to be as disciplined as I can. Non-fiction Writing is helping me. Whether it’s writing about my personal life, issues, or goals. It works! Putting it in paper and seeing it work feels quite magical. Subconsciously its ingrained in your brain and eventually its achieved. So today, after my pressing yet hopeful rant ,I hope I can convince you fellow MILLENNIALS you’re not alone! I believe in you! You’re not going to be stuck in a dead end job. Work hard towards your dream career. My suggestion is to ghost people on social media or in other words; disconnect from social media for a while. Stop posting cute photos, in order to gain attention from everyone, just be content with and by yourself. I think social media tends to make all of us unhappy because we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. For example, when we find our exes happy with someone else. We start to doubt ourselves. Why her not me? Whats wrong with me? It’s not fair, blah blah blah!…Just avoid lurking, if you find yourself doing so, read a book or write a blog! ( As I’m doing write now (pun intended hehe)) Okay, I will stop being corny. In addition, ignoring all text messages and calls from friends may just be the solution to that awful phone anxiety and co-dependence. Who cares if you didn’t make your friend’s fashion show or happy hour? It may sound selfish but at the moment take care of yourself, if you feel like you’re heading towards a mental breakdown. Bond with yourself. Read, write, paint, watch a movie, exercise, etc. Anything that helps you stay centered as long as you’re not hurting others.
Engage in healthy behavior such as proper dieting, learning new material, donating, volunteering, etc. Seek new organizations that may even stimulate you in a group process for instance joining an art club or helping underprivileged communities. These changes will contribute to your happiness and help you find yourself. Friends come in different shapes and sizes, literally; and yes they will annoy the living shit out from us at times because no one’s perfect. All I can suggest is GHOST, take time for yourself and let them know you’re laying low this month and cannot ” hang out” due to finances and busy schedule. Boom! Problem solved. NOW FOCUS ON YOURSELF! Share what you do to motivate yourself towards your goals throughout this tough economy and digital world.