MY DAILY MOTIVATION

Write down your plan and what is working for you!

I am skeptic about many things in my life right now. The uncertainty of money, this stupid job, useless advice from people, relatives, etc. However, this is normal, to fear the unknown, yet take the plunge into something that has become my safe haven. Writing is my therapy. There are so many things I need to write about and I’m afraid of spilling half of those things out in writing but it needs to happen. I’m starting to think that maybe I can experiment with Fiction. Writing about myself through another character, growing up in a strict religion, loosing people through illness and just growing apart from others and making new friends, but more importantly finding myself. I think I need to start building my portfolio asap! it needs more content and there is an unfinished book I’ve stopped working on. As skeptic and stressed out as I am, I had the best sleep ever! Today I feel energized and ready to work. Only motivator for me is the pay at this job!

Despite feeling secluded in a corporate fashion logistics role at a cool contemporary brand, I dislike my boss and this job. Crunching numbers makes me feel drained and there’s not an ounce of creativity in this role. However, I’ve made a list of things that make it worthwhile: #1 Great location and less people! (even thought it’s far) #2 Salary! (I have not received proper salary since forever and I am just on the cusp…. so, I’l work with what I have) #3 Temporary Assignment (This means that the position may close at any time. Therefore, I shall work with what I have and just keep in mind I will not be in that corporate jail forever.

As much as I wanted to leave, I keep reminding myself to be grateful because I have this advantage to save up for graduate school and pay ooff other debt. Socializing with friends that are in a similar situation as me is such a motivator, it has helped me cope with my situation. I think keeping certain factors in mind helps me stay centered! I’ve also been sleeping better thanks to meditation and mindfulness, a topic I’l discuss later on. What helps you wake up everyday? What are your motivators? When doo you find time to work on your craft? Please share and thanks for doing so. Have an awesome day!

JUST A DREAM

Timing was never right we met at the wrong time,

If only we were to try again, maybe this time it will work,

Love is unpredictable and dating is uncertain,

However you became my comfort zone,

Your smile brightened up my day,

Your soul brought me warmth,

I can still taste your enticing lips and smell your scent,

Here we go again, crossing paths just like old times,

Will you become a part of my future or remain a part my past?

This emotional rollercoaster has consumed me,

Where are you now? No response.

You’re gone, I feared this day would come,

At night melancholy consumes my heart,

I pray to God for your return,

Closing my eyes as I wish for a future with you,

A ray of hope lies within the depths of my soul,

You were a beautiful oasis, a breath of fresh air,

And perhaps I will never experience you again,

Our love was unreal, you were unreal,

Just a figment of my imagination,

As if I’ve imagined you since the start.

But in the end you were just a dream.

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Original artwork: “Bleeding Heart” by MD

Breathe

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Today, I sat in the subway and felt a pang of stress. A wave of melancholy hit me as I sat with my eyes closed. Tears streaming down my face. I felt all eyes on me. Hoping no one can tell I was crying under my large cat-eye frames, I wiped a quickly wiped my tears. The train stopped and I wished I were home. I wanted to yell, scream and cry out loud. I felt muted. I couldn’t do so. Today started off as a great day and somehow one comment twisted my thoughts into negative ones.

I’ve been negative for quite sometime. This happened before work. The grass may alway seem greener on the other side except for myself at the moment.The social media obsession of lurking and not feeling fully content with myself, as I constantly compare myself to others such as family, etc. The thought of an ex-boyfriend thriving in a relationship with someone else. The thought of my best friend ignoring me because we got into a stupid argument. Or how one of my close male friend has been self-absorbent lately with his business. Everyone seems busy and I am feeling neglected. Graduate school rejections crossing my mind. Binge eaten my feelings out and I’ve gained a few pounds. My self-esteem has dropped. I haven’t gone on a single date since the summer. I’ve chosen not to I guess. Trying to focus on my goals and dreams. However, I’ve given up on myself today. These are my negative thoughts. Once, I get into this vicious cycle it can be an emotional rollercoaster. This is anxiety and depression. 

Image result for breathe in breathe outI know that perhaps this is just a feeling that will pass. However, right now it feels eternal. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up and my thoughts will be positive. It’s time to let these feelings be feelings. I admit I am angry and I am certain it will pass. I will stop making assumptions. My comparisons never took me anywhere. I despise my job at times because it was never the dream career. Yet, it pays off the bills. There is more to life than this daily routine. I’m relieved to be home at the comfort of my own small room, writing out my deepest personal feelings. Writing is my therapy. I’m here to let you know its okay to cry.  If you can relate to me at some point in time. I’m here to let you know, you will persevere. Vent away. It’s okay to experience dark moments, as long as you get back up after sulking.

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It’s time to focus on your hobbies, ideas, and blessings. For instance, shower, eat , drink water ,write, draw, play music,  sing, dance, work out, clean, launder etc. or read an interesting book to destress. Whatever cheers you up. Breathe, because tomorrow is a new day. All those people or tragic events that have hurt you are no longer relevant in your life. Your life will head towards a new direction once you start to value yourself. Let go. Just breathe in and out.